What Should We Cancel Next?

Due to their racist, imperialist, homophobic past, all of these have to go. A Devil’s Curmudgeon.

We Must Erase EVERYTHING “Problematic” to Achieve Social Justice.

Like all bullies, continually giving in to the Cancel Culture inquisitors does nothing to satisfy their lust for power. On the contrary, the more they get away with, the greater enormities they’re encouraged to commit.

They’ve moved from banning words and un-personing the living to Memory-Holing books, films, music, statues, street names and even gravestones and cheese.

But, hey, if this is the new order, who am I to argue? I say, let’s go with the flow. We can’t stop at just banning Winston Churchill and Aunt Jemima. If we have to erase every “problematic” thing from the past in order to achieve social justice, then so be it.

With that in mind, here are my suggestions for the next three things which must be cancelled.

The Guardian.

Sure, The Guardian might be a bastion of wokeness and an endless fountain of praise for Karl Marx (we’ll get to him later), but none of that matters to the new inquisitors. As far as Cancel Culture is concerned, any person or institution must only be judged by whatever their worst sin may have been, in even the remotest past.

And as it turns out, The Guardian’s past is incredibly, shockingly problematic.

The paper was founded by John Edward Taylor, who made his fortune in cotton – cottoned pick with the blood and sweat of slaves. No wonder Taylor loathed Abraham Lincoln and the Abolitionist cause and attacked British cotton workers who refused to handle slave-picked cotton. After the Great Emancipator’s death, The Guardian reviled his memory “as a series of acts abhorrent to every true notion of constitutional right and human liberty”.

Even in modern times, The Guardian’s progressive credentials have been pretty suspect. In 1951, the paper called for Clement Attlee to be thrown out of office for creating the NHS – on explicitly eugenic grounds. Apparently Auschwitz hadn’t been enough to cure the Grauniad of its enthusiasm for exterminating “congenitally deformed and feckless people”.

Guardian owner C. P. Scott also played a role in the Balfour Declaration and the paper was ardently Zionist – and we all know how the left feel about Zionists these days.

Martin Luther King.

The Reverend Doctor may have been the great figurehead and martyr of the Civil Rights movement, but he was definitely far too problematic to be allowed, any more.

After all, King rejected the very concept of Intersectionality, when he famously stated that people should not be judged by the colour of their skin. That’s about the most racist thing you could possibly say to a “progressive” today.

Worse, King was openly anti-Communist. He rejected Communism’s secularism, moral relativism and totalitarianism. He vilified the works of Marx (we’ll still get to him) as “objectionable” and “abhorrent”.

Worst of all, King was a pussy-grabber to shame Donald Trump. The Bad Orange Man might boast about sexually assaulting women, but King actually joined in, watching and laughing, as his buddies raped female parishioners.

Time for his monument to be torn down and smashed and his national holiday to be abolished.

Karl Marx.

Okay, Marx and his pal Engels may have founded the towering evidence of bullshit that is Marxism, which spawned everything from Communism to Intersectionality and the Social Justice movement itself, but they were both shockingly problematic: racist and homophobic.

Marx’n’Engels’ (the two, as Thomas Sowell said, were so close that all their works must be thought of as a joint venture) writings drip with racism. “Niggers”, Marx wrote, using a racist slur he employed dozens of times, were brawny but stupid. Mexicans were lazy. “Asiatics” and Jews didn’t come off much better. Marx derided one of his opponents by sneering that his “mother or grandmother had[…]interbred with a nigger”.

Worse, Marx was an open advocate of imperialism and genocide. The British in India, he wrote, must fulfill a mission of “the annihilation of old Asiatic society and its religion”.

Despite the Marxist origins of Queer Theory, the foundation of “LGBTQI” rainbow ideology, Marx and Engels were grossly homophobic. Engels infamously referred to the “obnoxiousness of homosexuality”. Marx called an acquaintance a “faggotty prick”.

So, time to smash Marx’s headstone to pieces.

But, we can’t stop there, Cancel Culture warriors! If Intersectionality, Social Justice, Queer Theory and all the other foundations of Cancel Culture all spring from Marxism, then surely they, too have to go into the dustbin of history?

Time to reset the clock to Year Zero. Cancel everything.

Only when civilisation has been reduced to rubble and we are all reduced to absolute barbarism will we have reached the pinnacle of progressivism.

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